Exercise freak

I never really considered myself and “Exercise freak”, but I am slowly becoming one. Monday, I did the “Turbo Jam sculpt” and the “20 minute work out”. Tuesday I did “Cardio Party”, also from the Turbo Jam family. Wednesday Brock and I bought a stationary bike and I worked out on it for about 20 minutes and then again yesterday another 20 minutes. I’m going to do the Turbo sculpt (now that I can actually move again after doing it the first time) and another 20-30 minutes on the bike. HOLY COW! I know to some, that isn’t very much, but for someone who hasn’t really exercised in a year…. Or 3, it’s a lot. Now, this isn’t going to turn into an exercise blog, but... it’s something important going on with me right now, I just want to share.
So, here’s what happened: first off, I have not lost a SINGLE pound this week. Not one, in fact, I think I’ve gained 1-2. But I also think that has to do with having an 8 dollar scale instead and 50 dollar one. I know it’s a lot to expect to loose 5 lbs my first week, but I was sure hoping. But, besides that, I do feel skinnier. Still fat, but skinnier. My stomach lays slightly flatter, although only noticeable to me. But that’s a good sign. And I also have noticed I’ve been in a better mood yesterday and today. Not so anxious toward the end of the day, and not as stressed. I also feel like I have something to do besides spend money. Which is good because money is something I don’t really have at the moment.
And lastly, I feel like I’ve shown Heavenly Father I have some willpower. I knew that if I wanted him to bless me to loose weight, I’d have to do my part and stop eating half a pan of brownies every other night. And I have. We almost always have a pan of something tasty sitting on the stove, cake, brownies, rice crispy treats, etc. But we haven’t all week. Brock bought some of the cookies from a few posts ago last night. But I had one (90 calories! YIKES!). That’s it. And then I had 2 today on lunch. But I’ve put them away until next week. I’m not saying I’m never going to have a cookie or a brownie again. Because I will, but I’m not going to constantly have junk all over the place. I’ve also tired to think about what I’m eating, how many calories I’m consuming, what is actually a good portion size for me. It’s not just junk food, it’s all food I’m worried about.
I think Heavenly Father knows it’s hard for me, so he’ll bless me. Being perfectly frank, I’ve felt like a drug addict most of this week. Inside my head I’m constantly saying, “oh I’ll be fine if I have just one more cookie, no don’t do that, you decided only one today”, or “if I make this pan of brownies I can just eat one, and eat them slowly, no don’t do that, you’ll eat them all tonight”. People are so right when they say food is addicting. I never thought I’d have that problem, but here I am, to overweight to tell you how much I weigh, and having several arguments with myself a night about food. It’s awkward, and I’m slightly ashamed. But, I’ve made it 5 days, I can continue. (My goal is to not make any junk food until next weekend… because it’s a special day for me on Friday ;) and who doesn’t eat cake on their birthday?)